You know that saying there is a lot of fine fish in the sea? Ah well.

Pardon the interruptions (brackets). That other voice in my head tends to get in the way.

Ok so I’d worked throughout the night on my drawings (not surprising, for an architecture student. Yeah so no big deal ) and deep into the morning (10 o’clock I think) so as to be ready for the end of semester portfolio exams. And damn (!) I was famished (as is always the case)! I was pretty sure them gastric and bicarbonate secretions were playing a “Game Of Thrones” on “The Wall”s of my tummy. All I needed was to gorge myself with food ASAP and then ‘pass out’ (lol. I remember when I used to ‘pass out’ the morning after the nights, before presentation, with bloodshot eyes behind the drawing board. I wouldn’t even hear my roomies trying to break the door when they returned from lectures. Freshman year. Stressful times man. Stressful times).


What to eat? What to eat? Kenkey with a tin of sardines would work just fine. I head towards my favourite kenkey joint after getting a tin of sardines from the store. It was best if I waited a while, the attendant (male), a friend, opined as the kenkey was not ready yet and left the stand to go sort things out.

An engrossing twitter timeline rich with foolery kept me busy, for a while. Hadn’t noticed two other patrons had arrived until I heard their voices. Wouldn’t really have given them a thought but for her voice (ahem…one of my crushes has that same pretty voice). And the owner of the voice, Lord! She was dark, slim and terribly pretty (Pretty Girl A). Her friend (Pretty Girl B), light skinned, was PHAT (pretty, hot and thick).

Apparently they were having a discussion which had been suspended trying to cross the open drain just a meter and a half away. They resumed their conversation and I returned to my twitter timeline. Didn’t pay attention to their conversation as I was soon engrossed by my TL or pretending to be until I heard “architecture”. Well, naturally, it piqued my interest. You don’t find lots of people talking about architecture, I think. They were talking about the number of years architecture students stay in school (six years) and its effects on the chances of the female students getting married. Their argument was the female student would be too old, reducing her chances of getting married. This they substantiated with a calculation from Pretty Girl B by using the age of one of her friends, who I’m sure reads architecture. Well, I listened on with amusement. This wasn’t the first time this subject had been argued.

Conversation was interrupted by the attendant’s arrival with the much awaited kenkey (only God knows what would have happened).  As he got the place ready for the day’s business, then it hit me. I was going to buy 0ne Ghana Cedis worth of kenkey without fish… in front of these pretty ladies! Now you know how embarrassing it is to buy kenkey, banku or fufu without its accompanying fish or meat. Now if it was in front of boys, easy kraa. But ladies (pretty ones too! And considering how shy I am of ladies I find pretty, Lord!), that’s a different ball game. So what do I do? Four options pop up (amazing how fast our brains are in these situations).

Option A: Pull out the tin of sardines from the pocket and stick them notes I had in my hand all along inside and place the tin back. This way, when it’s time to pay, I pull out the sardines first (which I want everyone to see as my reason for not buying fish) and then the money. Sadly this wasn’t feasible. They’d already seen the notes in my hand. Plus I was standing right beside them.

Option B: Use the Five Cedi note instead of the One Cedi note for the transaction. That way, they’d think there’s enough money to buy fish but I don’t want to. Faggot! They’d think you broke and trying to economise the money (was broke too!!). Scratch that.

Option C: Just buy the fish man. Naa man. I ain’t compromising the taste of sardines for this fish. I won’t eat it anyway.

Option D: Play the “ladies first” gentleman card. Man, that’s risky. What if u argue with them and u loose (why are they difficult sometimes? Smh) only for them to realize why u played that card. Well before I could even play the card, they’d already signaled me to place my order.

Dude, just buy your thing. After all what’s the worst that could happen? Just as I was about to place my order, Pretty Girl B starts to reminisce, in twi, about the days when they (we) bought kenkey without fish back in JSS and SSS!


Hahahaha! I’ve been made!

I place my order and wait. I was quick to remind the attendant I wasn’t buying fish but he added one to my package anyway. He gives me extra fish sometimes, out of generosity, being a friend and regular patron. But not today man. No generosity today.

“Naa man. I no dey buy fish. I get sardines.” Claiming I had sardines kraa, I’m sure, won’t go down well with the ladies standing behind me. They’d think I was just trying to save my ass.

He gives me this Grace Omaboe (Maame Dokunu)/ Samuel L. Jackson look…


…and adds, “ you chop this fish attache, u go die?”

Oh! This guy too sake of he see fine girls he want embarrass me today.

“Ah well, thanks.” I take my package and there I go, in one move with my tail between my legs. I go uphill towards my hostel feeling the back of my head grow longer, out of embarrassment, and weighing me down. They were definitely going to make fun of me over their kenkey. These ladies! Hmm! I wish I never meet them anywhere. If they recognize me, I’d become “the guy who didn’t buy fish”.

I did enjoy my meal (why shouldn’t I? Dude, I don’t eat this shxt everyday). I was too bored to even eat the fish.

As fate would have it (unfortunately), I meet these same ladies (in front of Amen Hostel Annex)  on my way from the bank! I just kept a straight face and walked past. So much for going on a lunch date with a finer fish (well of course, the sardines were finer)!